I will never forget a few years back when I started dating this guy and we had a fight. I don't remember what the fight was about, but everything pretty much fell apart when he shouted at me: "Ask me if I care!" I frantically grabbed my purse and rushed out of this restaurant. Once I got safely into my car, I had a good cry, because I knew he was serious. That was the end of that.
Today I understand that fight wasn't entirely about me. He just wasn't up to the task of getting involved in a relationship during that time. I have since talked to this guy, and he confirmed that is precisely where he was coming from. Today, I find myself in the same place. I rejected a man that wanted to date me last fall not because he wasn't a nice guy, but simply because I didn't want to expend energy into a relationship. A lot of my friends were puzzled about that. To them, on paper, he was clearly what you would call a good catch. But he didn't want to take the time to properly court me. He just wanted to elbow his way into my place and get laid. That didn't go over very well. As far as I was concerned, if he couldn't treat me like a lady, I couldn't be bothered. Having sex doesn't have the same appeal it used to--back in the day. So by God, a man's gotta earn it.
That's a first for me. Who would have thought I would reject a Saturday night date in favor of being alone? But by golly, I've done it not just once, but several times. The fact of the matter is, sometimes I'm just not up for all the bullshit that dating entails. These days, someone has to really dazzle me in order for me to get all dolled up. If that's high maintenance, so be it.
When I think of the days in my 40's trolling on Match.com, I feel I've come a long way. I'm not desperate anymore. So here's a heads up for any guy who might be interested. Wine me, dine me, throw petals on the floor. Peel me a grape. And if you ain't willing to do that, ask me if I care.