Saturday, December 10, 2011

My Shopping Adventures at Walmart

Is it me or are the shoppers at Walmart just a little bit off? I swear, some of the get-ups people wear to this store are shocking, comical and quite original.  I often wonder if Walmart shoppers bother to look in the mirror before they leave the house. In a perverse way, it's quite entertaining to go to my local Walmart. I like to think of it as our community's gathering place for social outcasts, would-be criminals and those teetering on the edge of insanity. Walking through my Walmart is like walking through a zoo.

While I'm waiting in line, I will often zero in on one zany Walmart shopper or the other and try to figure out what their story is. There's the woman with a T-shirt saying "Biker Bitch" incessantly screaming at her kids to quit grabbing the check-out candy. There's the bleached-blonde Malibu Barbie wanna-be in a pink-velour, sequined jogging suit with overflowing cleavage. Then there's the guys in their super-sized cowboy hats, pot bellies and plaid shirts that strut through the aisles like they own the joint.

God forbid you get two guys standing next to one another in line--one with a Red Sox baseball cap, the other with a Yankees cap. They just glare at each other while everyone holds their breath hoping a brawl doesn't break out. It happens at the local watering holes all the time. If Walmart started serving beer, I'm sure that's how many of those encounters would end.

And let's not forget about the Walmart employees. Once this toothless cashier scanned a box of condoms I was buying and announced rather loudly: "Looks like you're going to have a little fun, huh?" I was speechless. The employees at the electronics counter take the word geek to the next level.  The guy I depend on to fix all my cellphone malfunctions needs a serious brush-up. His hair is disheveled, his eyeglasses are crooked and it looks like he's rabid because he drools. Don't get me wrong, all of the employees are really quite nice. They just need to be cleaned up a little.

Then again, who's to say someone isn't sizing me up? While I haven't actually gone to Walmart in flannel pajama pants and Uggs like so many die-hard shoppers do,  I have been known to go there after I've rolled out of bed in a cap and oversized sunglasses to hide my make-up- free face. When I top it off with a hap-hazard poncho I suppose others would categorize me with all the rest of Walmart's finest shoppers.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for stopping by my blog, because of course that helps me find yours! Always good to "meet" another breast cancer warrior. And, I love your blog background. ;-)