Saturday, January 21, 2012

Another Birthday, Another Chance

I said it before and I'll say it again. There's nothing happy about a birthday, especially when you turn 55 years old. Everyone talks about the big 0 birthdays--turning 30, 40, 50, but what about the 5 birthdays when you're halfway to that dreaded 60 birthday mark?

Those half-way point birthdays have alway given me pause to reflect. And I gotta tell ya, I'm not too happy about where I am. Since I turned 50, I spent almost 4 years wrangling through a relationship that was destined for doom. Then again, I suppose since he was the only man there during such a vulnerable time in my life while I battled breast cancer, I probably would still choose to stay with him.

I'm going to forgive myself for that choice in the past.  Joe called me last December 23 and asked if he could come stay with me during Christmas. But I said no. I couldn't have him disrupting my families' holiday. I felt guilty about that. But I pointed out he had his own family to go to. I know I made the right decision. I knew that once I let him through my door, it would be hard as hell to get him back out.

I've come a long way since last March in that regard. I felt like I went through the mill in that relationship, and the very thought of going out and meeting someone new sounds exhausting. A year ago I pushed someone away just because I wasn't ready to get inolved. Maybe that was a wrong decision. I'm going out to dinner with a few people tonight. It's not the same as having a boyfriend make a splash for your birhtday. (Not that all of them did.)

In the end, there's nothing I can do. I can't turn back the clock, I can't redo the scenes of my past. I've got   to live with my choices. I have to look forward and believe it's never too late to make things change--no matter what age. I'm 55 years old. I'll get over that. Happy birthday to me!

2 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to you! I think after breast cancer, every birthday deserves a very special acknowledgement (I say that as I approach my own 49th...which makes me think of the big 5-0 of course!). You have much to celebrate--remember that always!

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  2. Happy Birthday Marcy.....

    Are you kidding? 55 you are beautiful....Age is a number. About the men...When you are ready you'll find the right one. I've been on my own for years I often thought about getting involved again but you know I am fierecely independent I like being accountable to myself. The idea of washing men's socks competing for MY TV somehow being by myself is a better option..

    Hope you had fun!!

    Love Alli.....xx

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