Saturday, March 10, 2012

In Search of a Prince

I decided to give Match.com another go after my friend Allison told me her tales of working the matchmaking site back in 2007, which ultimately lead to her to meeting her second husband. I was truly inspired.  She admitted that she had to kiss a lot of frogs but the process worked. She found the man of her dreams.

It's kind of like shopping for a house. There can be months of Saturdays driving with a realtor and checking out one place after another. The journey is arduous because you don't need a dozen houses, you only need one. So when you finally find THE ONE it's a moment to savor.

This is not my first foray into the land of Match.com. I joined for about nine months back in 2001. Let's say doing the internet dating thing in my '40s was a lot more fast paced then it is in my '50s. There were weeks when I was chatting with two Jeffs or two Johns, and when I said it was alright for them to call me, I got  the two mixed up.

Sometimes I went on two to three dates a week that felt more like interviews. It was exhausting.  I did meet some interesting men, but out of all of them, there was only one I really liked. Unfortunately, he was going through a nasty divorce and had no interest in a relationship. He was more interested in the way Match gave him the ability to take playing the field to the next level.

The week before 9/11, I had two first dates with two men. One worked in World Trade Center One, the other worked in World Trade Center Two. I happened to have both their cellphone numbers. On that horrible day I called each one of them for days, certain at least one of them had died. After the dust literally settled, I found out they both had lived. One of them had left the building at 7:30am to take The Path train to New Jersey for a meeting. He was stuck in New Jersey for four days and his cellphone battery had died but he was alive. When he told me about the experience, I could hear in his voice that the experience had changed him forever.

There was one date that pushed me over the edge and right after that I took down my profile on Match.com for 11 years. I will never forget that date on a Saturday morning at Starbucks in Greenwich. I knew it wouldn't be good when the guy didn't even offer to buy me coffee. For three hours, this man grilled me about why I was on Match, why I got a divorce and how much money I made.
I could feel my temper start to rise with each invasive question. The last straw came when he asked me if I had a fuck-you fund. "Excuse me, what's that," I replied.

He answered: "It means that if you decided to tell your boss fuck-you and quit, you would have enough money in the bank to live without a job for two years."  I told him I must have failed the interview, because no, I did not have such a fund. Then I kindly pointed out that it would be easier for him to have such a fund since he was 45 years old, he had never been married and still lived with his parents.

As far as I was concerned, those stats did not make him a highly-desirable match--even if he had one of those funds. With that, I saw a friend walk by through the window. I knocked on the pane, waved at her and raced out the door. When I got out on the street, I told my friend: that's it, I'm finished with this Match business. A guy that is clueless about relationships wasted my Saturday morning and he didn't even buy me coffee!

Fast forward 11 years. I had my first date through Match.com last night. He took me out to eat pizza and bought me a glass of wine. He is a former ship captain--never married. There was absolutely no chemistry there, perhaps because I thought he was so old--64. Funny thing is that's how old my ex-husband is. He didn't even know what arugula was (I asked for it on my pizza.) Like that last date I had on Match, he grilled me a lot. I won't be seeing him again. But at least it's a start. I'm going to be optimistic and say--like Allison--I just kissed my first frog and I'm one step closer to meeting my prince.


3 comments:

  1. Well, you'll at least get a few funny stories out of it! Good luck! (and for what it's worth, my single friends seem to prefer Plenty of Fish .com)

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  2. Dear Teresa:
    Thanks for the tip! I will check it out. Marcy

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  3. I found my soulmate in an online dating site singleparent.com. Prior to him, I have read way too many profiles, laughed at some, met a jerk, found a good friend I still get contact with, and met Paul who I have been dating for two years. He is for keeps.

    Good luck to you.

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